26
January
2007
Here's a great post on the blog Mia's Saving Grace about the frustration of closed adoption records. And how it affects adoptees trying to search for their roots.
So, if we open the records, and also consider that the infant that has been relinquished is aware and taking in the experiences involved in the adoption process…can we perhaps move the process forward by making it more respectful of that infant? More conscious? More compassionate and supportive to not only the birth mother, the future adult adoptee and the adoptive parents, but to the BABY?
I think so.
Check out my ebook, "Strengthening Connections " to find out ways you can help your adopted infant adjust to life in your family.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, adoption, amazing newborns, parenting issues
22
January
2007
I found a wonderful post on the Green Parenting blog.
The author shares a very personal story about a recurring yeast infection caused by birth control pills, that made sex very painful. After two years she was able to get help with the pain - even though the yeast infections had stopped long before.
She says that her body remembered the pain of sex from when she had yeast infections. (It's a wonderful story, read it here, lots of information that needs to be shared, and I learned a lot.)
Hmmm….
Yep, this is the cellular memory I talk about. When babies have memories from conception on, it isn't in their intellectual memory - it's in their bodies. And what is stored is all information - physical as well as emotional, since emotions create chemical changes in the body, and get absorbed by the embryo/fetus/baby.
It's why, if for example, upon discovery of being pregnant a woman is upset, ashamed, or angry, those feelings may get stored in the cells of a new being, and as they divide, they help create the entire body - and the baby then has the memory or sense of "I don't belong here" or "I am not wanted" or "I make people mad," which can manifest in long term daily life as shyness, distress at going anywhere new, distress at being the center of attention…of course this isn't the only reason for these feelings, but I have seen after working with the pain some people have felt when they were "discovered" those other fears and negative experiences shift and dissapate quite profoundly.
Yes, our bodies hold onto painful experiences and emotions, and remembers them. And this is true as soon as we have a body to store the information. Learning to identify what somatic memory is being held, and where, can allow us to release them so we aren't living our lives avoiding the emotional or physical pain - consciously or unconciously.
Good news, we also store the GOOD feelings and experiences!
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication
21
January
2007
"When are you due?" That is probably the most commonly asked question to any woman who is obviously pregnant. And the answer is usually a date, one day - my daughter was due on December 20th. But she wasn't born until the 28th. Did that make her "late?"
Only 4% of babies are born on their due date. Most are born within what I call the "due zone" - two weeks before, and two weeks after the "date." It leaves a bit more room to allow a baby to find her time to be born before sending messages about "hurry up" or "you're late."
Do these messages really matter?
Let me tell you my story.
My mom's version: I was due on her birthday, and began showing signs of being born the week before. Two weekends in a row the obstetrician canceled his ski weekend because he thought my mom would go into labor and he didn't want to be away when she did. However, I scooted back up in the womb and stayed put. I had songs about coming out sung to me, and threats of being named Llewellyn if I didn't come out soon. Another week went by, it was now two days past my due "date" and the doctor didn't want to cancel another weekend so he decided to have me induced.
Labor hadn't started and he admisisterd pitocin to my mother, gave her an epidural, and contractions began with frequency and intensity right away. I was born two hours later. I was given to my mother right away, because I wasn't crying and she needed to see I was alright.
My version (learned though several regressions and various forms of energy work): I wasn't quite ready to come out yet. I was trying to figure out when, and I did push myself back up in the womb - leaving my tiny arm over my head blocking the birth canal. I was feeling peaceful and secure when, without warning, I was hit with a drug that made my heart race followed by contractions so strong and so close together that I couldn't get enough oxygen in between them. I was terrified, and it felt like I was dying. I felt forced out of a tranquil state into a car crash of labor. And my arm that had been above my head was now trapped between my head and my mom's pelvic bone. It fractured during the turn through the pelvis, and soon after that I was out. I was in shock, and grieving.
I was met with smiles and tears of joy. Although I wasn't very "late" and I didn't really get that message, the message I did get was "My timing isn't important." Which, accompanied by my pain and fear not being seen and empathized with translated to "I am not important," "The needs of others' are more important than mine."
When I think of babies who are told to "hurry up" and who are induced, or given a C-section due to their "lateness" (if it's within the two weeks after the "date" and otherwise not medically necessary) I wonder, how are parents going to know what their baby is feeling and thinking about? How will they know to respond to what the baby experienced in an empathetic way?
For me, those decisions I made became beliefs about myself and many of my decisions about who I was and how I lived and played were guided by those beliefs. For instance, as a playmate I was quick to share and hand over what I was playing with. To everyone else it looked like I was very kind and mature for my age, but really, it was motiviated by a belief that I didn't get to have what I wanted or needed, and that whoever was asking for the toy I was using deserved it more than I did. Really, it was the beginning of my lifelong "disease to please" which took years of personal work to heal from.
I had to learn to say "No" to others, learn to find my own timing (by the way, I was a stickler for promptness - if I was late I would get really anxious), and learn to value myself.
So, message we give our soon to be, and newborn babies are very important. How we feel, what we say, the motives behind our actions and thoughts are all absorbed and understood and translated by each individual baby in ways we don't always know.
And this isn't just my experirence - clients and collegues I've worked with all have "core beliefs" that guide their path through life, and often these are mistaken beliefs originating sometime around birth and reinforced during infancy.
My daughter didn't come on her due date - she was born eight days later, and I told her, "I can hardly wait to meet you. You find the right time for you to be born, and we'll be ready."
What are some messages your baby got - positive and negative - when he was new? Do you see any patterns of behaviour or preferences that match up with possible mistaken beliefs he might have?
Do you notice patterns of behaviour or beliefs of your own and are are beginning to wonder if they originated at or before your birth? Please share your story and wonderings!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
20
January
2007
I have changed a page in my site and wanted to let you know - check it out! Who I Work With explains how you can benefit from the various ways I can help you. If you know anyone who might be interested, please, pass the link along to your friends!
Posted: Uncategorized
8
January
2007
Hi…
I'm curious. Fathers are so important and fathering is different than mothering…it's not a dad trying to mother, it really is a whole different thing.
Maybe there is more physical play…maybe there are firmer boundaries…maybe looser ones…
So, how do you see fathering different from mothering? How is it in your family?
Do you mom's ever find how your male partners are with your kids challenging? Do you find yourself nagging him to do things your way for the well-being of the baby/child(ren)?
What's great about what he does?
I look forward to hearing your comments!
Posted: parenting issues
3
January
2007
(click the above title to leave/read comments)
I normally don't make resolutions in the new year…in fact, I made one years ago, never to make any new years' resolutions again. And now I will be breaking that one, because of the Birth Ecology Projects ' invitation to enter a contest.
So, I decided that it's a good time to make public my resoltions for this year. It's a good time, since I am in the process of developing my goals for my site and business, and clarifying what it is that I do.
My New Years' Resolution is to find that part of myself that prefers to hide, and gently encourage her to emerge into the world, safely and lovingly. This would support me to be able to help babies keep their connection with Spirit intact, and help parents find ways of supporting themselves and their babies consciously in this journey of life.
It may mean teaching about memory, and what we know about prenatal and newborn ability to remember and make decisions and develop beliefs. It may mean working one on one with families and babies to assist in the healing of a traumatic birth memory. It may mean working with adults who want to explore and heal their own births, letting go of limiting beliefs made very early.
And often it's finding joy in the joy of a new parents, enthusiastically listening to all that's good, and how amazing their baby is.
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
1
January
2007
It's been a while since I've posted! Oh my the holidays do take away my attention.
They were good though, I had a wonderful time with my family, I hope you did too.
However, a few folks that I connected with over the holidays asked me, "So what is it that you do?" And I realize I haven't been all that clear here on my site. Maybe there'll be some changes in the content on a few of the pages soon.
My understanding is that babies are not born as blank slates. They come in - and when I say that, I mean they "come in" to a body, from Spirit - aware, and conscious…their brain is not developed enough to support them cognitively, but they are able to remember and imprint experiences into their psyche, their physical body and develop their belief systems.
Many of the psychological, neurological and biological fields are learning how early we are affected by our expeirences. We are all affected by how we "came in" to this world, the beliefs we established, patterns we imprinted into how we make decsions, how we relate to each other, what we believe about the world. Initial upsets, unresloved, are repeated and shape how we interpret our interactions.
Therapists are learning everywhere that going back to very early experiences leads to a greater level of awareness, deeper and lasting change and healing. What the prenatal and perinatal psychology field is learning is that those very early experiences can begin as early as conception. We are also learning how to apply these concepts and methods to infants, so that their sense of self can remain intact, and negative, mistaken beliefs corrected before they become lifelong imprints.
One way to put what I do is, "I help parents to learn from their babies about who their baby is, and support those babies in keeping their spiritual connection intact." Or maybe "spiritual midwife" is another way of putting it.
On a more basic level, I help advocate for what babies want us to know about who they are and what they've experienced, and what matters to them. Sometimes that's teaching/coaching parenting skills. Sometimes that's helping babies resolve birth issues. Sometimes it's helping parents resolve birth issues (their own birth, or their babies' delivery…)
My passion and joy is to watch people of all ages come into deeper connection with themselves, whatever that looks like. I love to see parents glow when they understand their baby's needs. I love to feel the palpable connection between a parent and new baby when everyone feels "met" on several levels.
I teach. I learn. I facilitate. And through all that, I experience great joy when I see how I've helped families become more of who they are in connection together.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues