17
February
2007
Let's face it, no matter how hard we attempt to slow down our lives, they are fast paced. Meetings, deadlines, schedules…and if you stay at home with your child, you may feel pressured to "get it all done" during the day - and that includes going to the park, driving the older kids to lessons, grocery shopping…
There's simply a lot going on, most of the time.
It's normal for babies to protest a fast pace. How often have we expereienced a screaming infant in the grocery store or on an airplane? And I'm sure we all know babies who HATE the car seat.
What you may not realize is that if the pace is fast for us…it is light speed for a baby. And that the transistion from one activity or location to another can be upsetting for them.
Your baby's brain doesn't process information at the same rate that you do, so when you are moving through your life, and taking your baby along with you, she is experiencing a bombardment of sensory input, and may become disoriented.
Think of it this way…lets say you are in a foreign country, and don't understand the customs or language at all. You know your friend you are visiting, but most other people are strangers. Let's say your friend, either says something super fast in this foreign language, or doesn't say anything at all, suddenly takes you by the arm, and gently ushers you into the downtown streets and goes about her errands with you in tow - but with no explanation or time for you to "catch up" with what's happening. You go from place to place, and as time goes on, you probably become more and more resistant and try to get her to slow down…but what if she doesn't?
A little overwhelming?
Yeah…welcome to your baby's world.
Transitions occur several times a day. Anytime you move your baby from one place to another, or change the activity - like if you are playing with her on the floor but suddenly go to answer the phone…to your baby, that can be startling.
For some babies, transitions are bigger than the event itself. What was the biggest transition your baby ever experienced? You got it…his birth. The ultimate transition. How did that go? Consider that how your baby transitioned into the world is also how he perceives all transitions. Without going into a judgment of "bad" or "good" think of what it might have been like for him…was it a long struggle? Scary? Connected? Too much too fast? Out of control? Someone else's timing? Painful? Smooth?
Your baby may be remembering or reacting to body memories of his birth with each transition he experiences.
Next time you transition from one thing to another, go more slowly and talk to your baby about it…be aware that it might be a bigger deal to her than to you, and see if you can be present for that with empathy.
Posted: Newsletter
4
February
2007
I've talked about a lot of possible reasons why babies can be upset, or act in ways that seem unhealthy. Your stress, your baby's birth memories that may be upsetting, moving too fast, and jumping from one activity to another…are all reasons why a baby might need to tell you, or show you, what's going on for him.But what happens when none of those reasons fit?
What if, no matter how hard you reflect on your baby's birth, prenatal experience and infancy to date, you can't find anything that resonates as a reason for his upset?If you had a beautiful birth, peaceful and connected pregnancy, and no problems during or after the birth - what could be wrong?Of course, ruling out any physical or medical reasons - digestion, food allergies, illness - what's left?
Well, could your baby be telling you something about YOU?
Let me tell you a story.
When I was in school one of my instructors showed excerpts of a video session with of one of his young clients and her mother. I'll relay the key points for you and then explain why this is important.
A toddler could barely walk, and she kept her legs stiff and spread apart so that it was even hard for her to stand. Her parents couldn't figure out what was going on with their baby - having been to see medical specialists and found nothing physically wrong to explain her posture.
This had been going on for several months. She was over a year old.
In the session, my instructor could not find any reason in this toddler's own history to explain her odd stance. So he asked the mother what was happening for her around that same age. As it turned out, the mother had been in a body cast from the age of six months, to well over a year.
It was so many years ago, and who would ever consider it important in this case? But at the next session, this mother brought in her photos of her as a toddler and astoundingly, the cast she was in kept her legs in exactly the same position as her daughter's legs were now, voluntarily.
My instructor then had the mother "re-experience" that time in her life using a method I call "regression." She went back in her mind to that age when she was in a cast and remembered what it felt like, and was able to identify that part of her that was stuck there. As she felt the blocked energy and released it, during the session the little girl, who was in the room while the mother was in her regression, stood up normally for the first time, her legs in the usual, healthy position.
What is important here is that energetically, emotionally, and physically, we can carry our trauma in our bodies. We hold our upsets and blocked energy in our cells, and then - since our cells are what create our babies - we pass those cellular memories along to our children unwittingly.
If there is "no reason" for your baby's upset or emotions that you can see, try looking to your own past. Look deeply, journal, or talk to someone who can "hold your hand" while you explore. The above story is a extreme one, and perhaps yours is not. But maybe you'll find something out about yourself, and in so doing, you can own it as yours, resolve it, thus releasing your child from something that doesn't belong to him.
Click the title above to respond with questions or comments!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, infant communication, parenting issues