30
August
2007
I am surprising my daughter with a 'new' room.
She's been with her dad all week…well, actually, she's been with friends at the beach in Oregon, but I dropped her off at her dad's last weekend.
She's been camping out on the floor of what used to be my mom's office. It was painted pink/mauve and a deeper shade of mauve for the trim…and she was getting sick of it. Even the ceiling was painted pinkish mauve. She wanted cream walls witih a deep purple trim.
And she's got it. Also, the bed she hasn't slept in since she was on Pender (four months) is put together with new sheets and new throw pillows on it. She has a new (to her) dresser and a new desk. I still have to put the desk together, and assemble some shelving, but I'll leave the moving in for her to do except some welcoming stuffed animals and her goth dolls which I'll put out.
I so enjoy doing things for her. She is loving and gracious, appriciative and grateful for gifts done for, and given to her…it makes it very easy to love doing it. And she's not spoiled at all. There are plenty of things she doesn't get, those things that I don't think support her in her own beingness and growth, or things that cost more than I want to pay…but when I feel good about something she wants or needs, it is a gift to me to be able to do that for her.
Generocity ROCKS.
Posted: parenting issues
13
August
2007
They seem so disconnected…birth and eating. But they aren't.
Recently, I had a client that was having difficulty and was concerned with her baby daughter's eating and nursing habits. While some practical advice was warrented, my first questions were "did you have issues with food or eating when you were younger?" and "Did anything happen at Baby's birth around food?" and also, "What was going on with your own relationship to food while you were pregnanat?"
There were significant answers to all of these questions. First of all, Mom had had and eating disorder when she was younger and though was recovered, was quite anxious that her daughter NOT have issues with food. This level of energy put into eating and food clearly spoke to the baby as "beware, this is not just about easing hunger and accepting nourishment…this is something that is upsetting and worrisome."
Second of all, shortly after the birth Baby was taken to the nursury so mom could sleep. It seemed like a necessary separation for an over tired, under supported new mom, who has regretted it since. This regret about the separation was compounded by the fact that Baby was given formula against Mom's wishes. The guilt and anger Mom has felt about that has layered on top of the already existing negativity around food.
And lastly, the pregnancy itself was difficult in that Mom had a hard time keeping food down, and morning sickness lasted several months. she was, and still is, concerned that Baby wasn't getting enough nutrition, adding to even more anxiety around food.
So, knowing all that, it became clear that for this baby, eating and food were about much more than nutrition, and was not entirely comfortable at that.
During our session, I exposed the multilayered field of distress that Baby was experiencing and combined the practical aspects of introducing new foods, and timing of meals and nursing with some energy psychology techiques for both Mom's anxiety and Baby's experience and newly forming patterns.
Within a week, Mom reports that Baby is eating solids, and sleeping through the night. As well, she claims Baby is happy and relaxed, "Like a totally different baby!"
Although relationships between food and birth/prenatal issues are not obvious, they usually can be discovered with some insightful questions and educated interpretation. If you think about it, the first time any of us took in nourishment was after implantaion, and was our first physical interaction with our mother. Therefore, often, eating and food issues are directly related to issues with our mother, intimacy, connection, and survival.
Likewise, if we have other trauma from early in the pregnancy, it can manifest as issues with food. My own story is an example of that.
I lost a twin brother directly after implantation. I know this due to my own regressions, somatic memories and the way my life changed for the better in several ways after discovery and a healthy grieving process. During one of my sessions, I "felt" myself implant, and felt my twin fail to do so. I had the sense that there wasn't enough nutrition from our mother for both of us, and that I was "taking too much." In my sensing of it, I had "landed" high on the uterine wall and my brother fell past me, unable to implant.
Fact: The embryo that is higher on the uterine wall tends to get more nutrition. I found this fact out after I verbalized the memory.
It all made sense. My paradoxical and lifelong struggle with food was a double bind. I had always felt that I ate (took) too much, but also that there was never enough.
Just a few sessions a few years ago addressed this dynamic and my relationship to food changed. I no longer struggled with a voice in my head telling me to eat that or not eat this…how much to eat, or how little. I was able to relax and enjoy food without the guilt and shame that had accompanied it for so long. All my issues around food are not gone however, the habits of a lifetime didn't just dissapate…what changed was how I feel about it all. And that, now, is peaceful.
Please feel free to comment, or ask any questions you may have by clicking the title of this post and filling in the reply box.
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, about sleeping, parenting issues
2
August
2007
My collegues have written a new book!
Carrie Contey and Debby Takikawa, two dedicated and passionate women, have written "CALMS: A Guide to Soothing Your Baby."
I wholeheartedly reccommend this book as a reference, a resource and a comfort to you as a parent. The skills you will learn are invaluable. "Honest, short, sweet and scientific, it offers parents and professionals a new view of babies and a tool kit for creating family harmony and parent-infant connection."
You can purchase this book from the What Babies Want website, or from Amazon . Or simply by callling 1-800-893-5070.
Thank you Carrie and Debby!
You both are gifts to parents and infants everywhere.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, crying, infant communication, parenting issues