September
2007
The Wrath Of Our Children2
I think, to be a good parent, one needs to be willing to endure the wrath of one's children.
There is an epidemic of parents that give in to their kids, do whatever they can to prevent upset and disappointment, discouragement or failure. I think it's based on a belief that self-esteem grows from happiness, from not having anything bad happen.
I disagree…I believe self-esteem is developed from overcoming adversity…from tackling challenges and having difficult situations and working through them.
My daughter woke with plenty of time to get to school, 3 blocks away. She pouted on her bed for half an hour, not wanting to go, asking over and over if she had to…I finally said, "Look, you are in charge of your time this morning. You need to eat something, and we should leave by 7:40. I am not going to work harder than you at this…I am willing to be supportive and empathetic…but not if your attitude is going be this defiant and stubborn. You can choose how you want this to go, and you can choose to be late this morning, but you WILL go."
At 7:45, she'd eaten and asked me if all her things were in her backpack. "I don't know..that's your responsibility. And you should figure it out soon because your school starts in 15 minutes."
Oh boy. And no, I won't drive you. You sat and pouted for 1/2 and hour…these are the consequences…then she had to run back half a block to get her gym shoes.
She was late.
She was REALLY mad at me for not driving her the three blocks.
She is so scared, and it manifests as defiant and stubborn. She's begun three schools, including this one, and the first YEAR of each one was miserable because she does this…if it's not what she likes or is used to, she hates it. She glowers. But really, she's terribly terribly afraid and just wants friends. She knows NO ONE at this school, and going here is a decision made just two weeks ago.
I can certainly give her some slack and understanding. This is tough…
But I am not going to cop to her attitude, or rescue her from her own actions that bring about consequences she doesn't like.
When she does get through this, makes friends, gets used to the routine…she's going to feel that much more confident, and happy with herself.
In the meantime, when she's not around, my mama heart is very achy and worried.
Sidra is no longer a baby, so the rules are a bit different…
but ask yourself how often you relax your boundaries and
give in to what you've already said in order to make your
baby or toddler happy?
Ask yourself, is this action really to make my child happy,
or me?