What Your Baby Knows

Immediately after birth…3

There is so much happening.

What we usually think of is the bonding that happens between mom and baby, the "falling in love" you hear about. We might also think about the bathing, weighing, cleaning up of the newborn. Perhaps the first feeding. And that's all not even mentioning anything out of the range of a "normal, healthy" birth.

Now lets look at it from a different point of view with all that's happening:

A baby's brain is totally set up to look at a human face immediately after birth. It's wired to do so. When mom and baby's gaze meets, there is brain activity going a full speed in both of their right hemisphere of the brain. It's organizing itself and growing the neurons and synapses needed to regulate emotions, read social cues, learn to trust. All right there in the moments after birth. Mom's brain is growing too, she developing neurons and synapses that provide her with the ability to learn her baby's cues, to protect and nurture, to want to comfort and soothe. And Dad's neurology is also changing. He bonds with a baby as well and the internal structure of his brain and his neurological system changes and grows to include protector and nurturer of both mom and baby.

What happens when the ideal birth doesn't happen?

Have you ever been in a situation where you were really scared or angry?  Let's say you got in minor car accident that wasn't your fault. Pretty scary, and maybe you're pissed off at the person who's fault it was. Your brain is going to be in a state of defense. Prepared to argue or fight, (or if he turns out to be dangerous, to flee!) Your body might be in a state of shock, recovering from impact and your belief for a few seconds that you might not be physically okay.

When in this state, your brain reverts to the reptilian or instinctual brain. You'll be operating from the "fight or flight" instincts: Being alert, prepared for defense, all the blood rushing to your large muscle groups and away from your brain and vital organs so you can deal with the threat. It makes it hard to feel safe and to think, but very easy to act.

Another example. How about a fight with a loved one. The same systems are activated because our reptilian brain only repsonds to what the physical body tells it. In emotional distress, your body releases the same chemicals that indicate threat. It doesn't matter if it's real or percieved, your brain will be taking over as if it's REAL.  When this is happening in your system, it's virtually impossilble to be open, trusting, growthful and close. You must calm down, soothe those chemicals and release them and THEN you'll be able to think and be close again.

That's a lot of explanation for what I'm about to say.

At birth, if a baby is experiencing fear, distress, stress, or anger - either his/her own feelings or those of his mother during the birth experience - then he's going to start life with surging stress chemicals, in a state of defense.

It makes it VERY hard to bond and grow that right hemisphere in those crucial moments after birth.

It can inhibit mom and baby's attachment and bond because both of their brains might be in such a state as to limit their connection in those first minutes.

It may result in difficultly latching on to the breast, difficulting sleeping, highly anxious baby, a baby that cries a lot, a mom that has fewer internal mechanisms to cope with the high-stress baby, lots of anger and frustration on both their parts and thus can begin a cycle that can spin into a pattern of relating to each other that can last a lifetime.

What happens at birth can affect the moments immediately after, which can impact the relationship you have.

It is possible to identify and heal those first moments if you feel you didn't get them. Bonding and attachment can happen at any time, and working with the infant and the mother on re-establishing the connection is possible, and vital. 

Talk Back:

What happened at your birth, or at the birth of your baby that you wish you could change, if anything? If nothing, what about it provides you with good memories?

Posted: Newsletter

Trusting Instincts0

Recently I was offered a full time job in an agency serving youth and families in my local area.

I do have a passion for working with the underpriveldged population, so I considered taking it. However, as the interviews progressed it became clear that what I have to offer this particular agency wasn't as valued as I'd like it to be.

The temptation of a steady income clouded my thinking for a few days, and I told myself that what I want to do most was Help People. It didn't need to be in the way I am trained or with my particular knowledge or skills. Over time I realized I was wrong. It is very important to me to bring my gift to what I do, and important to have that gift recognized and valued.

So I turned the job down. Doing so went against everything my head told me about having a larger, steadier income and feeling more secure financially.

But since making my decision I am feeling at peace.

Parenting is a lot like that. When I help parents identify what is the best choice for them and their child, I often ask, when you think about one decision or the other, what does your body feel like?

I have them pretend they made a decision. And then track how it feels in their body: Do you feel light, closed, peaceful, relieved? Do you feel tighter, anxious, worried? Where are you feeling these things in your body? What happens when you pretend to choose the alternative? Is there a difference in your body? Do you have a more comfortable or less comfortable reaction internally?

And then, with this information I encourage more thought, and just to "sit with it" for a time.

Usually, even if the decision isn't the more popular one, the one that gets made is the right one.

Being willing to make the right choice often goes against what others think, or what you've been told. Despite that, you'll know you're in alignment with yourself by the peace you feel inside which is also communicated to your baby.

Peace out.

Posted: Uncategorized, parenting issues, what's happening in my life