August
2006
Article: Are You and Your Baby In Rhythm? (click here to comment)
You've heard the phrases, "We're just not on the same page" or "We're not cut from the same cloth" and "We're not on the same wavelength."
What are they talking about?
It's clear the meaning is "We think/act differently" but
when you look closer at the words, they are saying
something much more.
Think of it like music.
Take two different pieces of music - if you play
them at the same time it's bound to sound terrible.
They won't match up and there will be discord,
confusing tempos, and that uncomfortable vibration
in the air when sound waves are not coherent.
But within the same piece of music, different harmonies
contribute to a pleasant (we hope) sound.
"We're not on the same wavelength" is really just
that - two pieces of music -or two people -
that are not harmonizing.
How in the world does this relate to you and your baby?
Well, you and your baby each have your own rhythm, or
tempo, that you move through your life with. It's
actually a measurable electromagnetic (EM) field that is
strongest in a three-foot diameter from the heart.
The rhythmic waves emitted are individual, and patterned.
When you are holding your baby, your EM field and
your baby's field intersect and interact. You can
imagine radio waves that either blend or clash when
interacting.
When we are upset or under stress these EM waves show
up as an irregular pattern, incoherent and chaotic. When
we are calm, they are regular and coherent. It is nearly
impossible to create a harmonic blending of these fields
when both of the EM waves are chaotic and dissonant.
This is why it's important to calm yourself before
attempting to calm your baby. When baby is upset,
her tempo is irregular. She will need mom or dad, or
another caregiver with a steady rhythmic heart tempo
to help her pull out of her own incoherence, otherwise
everyone contributes to more energetic chaos. Like
two pieces of music that don't match up.
Each of our rhythms were developed primarily during
pregnancy. This is when babies first begin to learn to
regulate their own tempo. And it's where they first
interact with their mother's EM field.
What if I was really upset and stressed for the whole
pregnancy? Will that matter?
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: If you think that your baby experienced
primarily incoherent and chaotic patterns while
growing prenatally (i.e., Mother was under chronic
stress for the duration) she may have adapted to that,
and it could be challenging to find a way to blend with you.
Prenatally, your baby learns your patterns and the
beginnings of how to regulate her emotions. They become
familiar - whether or not they are coherent. If there were
only, or mostly, chaotic patterns to imprint from, your
baby may not have a solid foundation to learn to regulate
her emotions.
The great news is that you can still shift that pattern,
starting now.
TIPS to "match up" with your baby and lift your baby out
of "dissonent" EM patterns:
– Find your own heart beat. Put your hand over your heart
and follow the beating for a few minutes. This can help you
slow down, and listen to yourself, and bring your heart waves
into a coherent pattern.
– Slow down. Your baby operates at a much slower pace
than you do. To match his pace, slow down - speak
more slowly, and move from one activity to another
more slowly and repeat yourself.
– Involve your baby in what is happening. Tell him what
you are going to do, then what you are doing, then
what you did.
– Name his actions. It is very orienting to a baby
to have his actions named by you. "Oh, you are reaching
for that toy!" "There you are, kicking your feet."