1
May
2008
This evening I'm scheduled to hold a mini-lecture at the Belly to Baby store, in downtown Wenatchee. I've invited health and wellness practitioners to attend, as well as expecting or current parents.
My intention is to introduce myself and what I do to this community. I hope to articulate the main and basic principles of prenatal and perinatal psychology, but not get too detailed in that…Keep It Simple, Sweetie.
And the places I get stuck when I talk to people are citing studies and accurately describing them off the top of my head. If I am challenged in what I speak of, will I fumble and appear unprofessional and incompetent or gracefully field the comments and questions of skeptics?
How many times can I refer to something I read, or was taught before I start looking like I don't have any first hand experience of my own? I do, but not always stories that are useful in illustrating a concept at hand.
ACK. I always feel like I need more training, and more experience…but if I keep getting more training I'll never get out there in the community to get the experience.
So, off I go this evening, and I hope people show up! Next week I start a class for individuals and couples expecting a baby…
If you are interested, please let me know!
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues, what's happening in my life
2
August
2007
My collegues have written a new book!
Carrie Contey and Debby Takikawa, two dedicated and passionate women, have written "CALMS: A Guide to Soothing Your Baby."
I wholeheartedly reccommend this book as a reference, a resource and a comfort to you as a parent. The skills you will learn are invaluable. "Honest, short, sweet and scientific, it offers parents and professionals a new view of babies and a tool kit for creating family harmony and parent-infant connection."
You can purchase this book from the What Babies Want website, or from Amazon . Or simply by callling 1-800-893-5070.
Thank you Carrie and Debby!
You both are gifts to parents and infants everywhere.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, crying, infant communication, parenting issues
10
July
2007
I'm at my mom's house, and have been since the end of April. Next door is a delightful family with three girls all within a year - the oldest, and then twins that were born ten months later.
Well, she and I were talking over the fence and somehow the conversation got around to birth. Her friend is having a baby soon and wanted to have a natural labor and birth. My neighbor offered this advice, "Don't worry about drugs, or C-section…they're there if you need them." She looked at me and said, "You probably would say something very different, right?"
I said, "Well, no actually. Medical technology is important and valuable, and she shouldn't worry about those things. Worry is one thing that can really contribute to a difficult labor. What I would say though, is to realize that what happens during birth matters to the baby. So if she were to need interventions of some sort, to talk to the baby and say why and include the baby in what is happening."
My neighbor asked what I meant by, "It matters to the baby."
Well, for instance, if a baby has a C-section, it might be okay for the mother but the baby may feel terrified. Like if labor hasn't started (and it's the baby that starts labor by secreting the hormone that gets it all going) then Baby ins't ready…suddenly, from a baby's point of view, mom may be scared, baby goes numb, there is bright lights, people with masks on, and hands lifting me out of my space…that's a LOT. And don't think for a moment that babies wouldn't know to be frightened by surgical masks…their brains are wired to look for and recognize human faces and if the first thing they see is NOT that, it can be disorienting. I also said that beliefs and imprints about how the world works can be affected by other kinds of birth too - like other interventions, long labor…
My neighbor was curious and began, with relief said, "well, all my girls came out so fast!"
I said, well, that can be hard too sometimes. Really fast labors can lead to transition issues…like "everytime something is going to change I need to do whatever I can to slow it down." Or, "Going from one place or situation to another is SCARY, I have to avoid it, or brace myself for it. If I get out of control something bad can happen." They may stall, procrastinate, get really emotional, come unglued, or be very controlling of what happens.
By this time, this young mother's jaw was hanging open and she was staring at one of her daughters. "You just described Malory" she said. I wasn't surprised. This happens a lot, where I describe belief patterns that fit with a certain type of birth…
We began talking about other things that can affect us even as far back as prenatal. Her mother had an anxiety disorder during her gestation, and that of her siblings. All of them have issues with anxiety. it isn't just genetic, I said. It's a learned response pattern.
And it can be changed. We know, and are learning more every day, about how to change neurological pathways in the body. Regular counseling and therapy doesn't do it…these imprints are in the BODY, in the cells…healing happens at that level, not by talking or expressing emotions (although these are useful and helpful things to do too). It is possible to access memory held in the body and release trauma patters.
And it is possible to do so for babies and children as well, so that these patterns and mistaken beliefs don't limit the life of an individual.
My neighbor headed inside to talk to her husband excitedly.
I love over the fence chats!
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
26
January
2007
Here's a great post on the blog Mia's Saving Grace about the frustration of closed adoption records. And how it affects adoptees trying to search for their roots.
So, if we open the records, and also consider that the infant that has been relinquished is aware and taking in the experiences involved in the adoption process…can we perhaps move the process forward by making it more respectful of that infant? More conscious? More compassionate and supportive to not only the birth mother, the future adult adoptee and the adoptive parents, but to the BABY?
I think so.
Check out my ebook, "Strengthening Connections " to find out ways you can help your adopted infant adjust to life in your family.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, adoption, amazing newborns, parenting issues
22
January
2007
I found a wonderful post on the Green Parenting blog.
The author shares a very personal story about a recurring yeast infection caused by birth control pills, that made sex very painful. After two years she was able to get help with the pain - even though the yeast infections had stopped long before.
She says that her body remembered the pain of sex from when she had yeast infections. (It's a wonderful story, read it here, lots of information that needs to be shared, and I learned a lot.)
Hmmm….
Yep, this is the cellular memory I talk about. When babies have memories from conception on, it isn't in their intellectual memory - it's in their bodies. And what is stored is all information - physical as well as emotional, since emotions create chemical changes in the body, and get absorbed by the embryo/fetus/baby.
It's why, if for example, upon discovery of being pregnant a woman is upset, ashamed, or angry, those feelings may get stored in the cells of a new being, and as they divide, they help create the entire body - and the baby then has the memory or sense of "I don't belong here" or "I am not wanted" or "I make people mad," which can manifest in long term daily life as shyness, distress at going anywhere new, distress at being the center of attention…of course this isn't the only reason for these feelings, but I have seen after working with the pain some people have felt when they were "discovered" those other fears and negative experiences shift and dissapate quite profoundly.
Yes, our bodies hold onto painful experiences and emotions, and remembers them. And this is true as soon as we have a body to store the information. Learning to identify what somatic memory is being held, and where, can allow us to release them so we aren't living our lives avoiding the emotional or physical pain - consciously or unconciously.
Good news, we also store the GOOD feelings and experiences!
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication
21
January
2007
"When are you due?" That is probably the most commonly asked question to any woman who is obviously pregnant. And the answer is usually a date, one day - my daughter was due on December 20th. But she wasn't born until the 28th. Did that make her "late?"
Only 4% of babies are born on their due date. Most are born within what I call the "due zone" - two weeks before, and two weeks after the "date." It leaves a bit more room to allow a baby to find her time to be born before sending messages about "hurry up" or "you're late."
Do these messages really matter?
Let me tell you my story.
My mom's version: I was due on her birthday, and began showing signs of being born the week before. Two weekends in a row the obstetrician canceled his ski weekend because he thought my mom would go into labor and he didn't want to be away when she did. However, I scooted back up in the womb and stayed put. I had songs about coming out sung to me, and threats of being named Llewellyn if I didn't come out soon. Another week went by, it was now two days past my due "date" and the doctor didn't want to cancel another weekend so he decided to have me induced.
Labor hadn't started and he admisisterd pitocin to my mother, gave her an epidural, and contractions began with frequency and intensity right away. I was born two hours later. I was given to my mother right away, because I wasn't crying and she needed to see I was alright.
My version (learned though several regressions and various forms of energy work): I wasn't quite ready to come out yet. I was trying to figure out when, and I did push myself back up in the womb - leaving my tiny arm over my head blocking the birth canal. I was feeling peaceful and secure when, without warning, I was hit with a drug that made my heart race followed by contractions so strong and so close together that I couldn't get enough oxygen in between them. I was terrified, and it felt like I was dying. I felt forced out of a tranquil state into a car crash of labor. And my arm that had been above my head was now trapped between my head and my mom's pelvic bone. It fractured during the turn through the pelvis, and soon after that I was out. I was in shock, and grieving.
I was met with smiles and tears of joy. Although I wasn't very "late" and I didn't really get that message, the message I did get was "My timing isn't important." Which, accompanied by my pain and fear not being seen and empathized with translated to "I am not important," "The needs of others' are more important than mine."
When I think of babies who are told to "hurry up" and who are induced, or given a C-section due to their "lateness" (if it's within the two weeks after the "date" and otherwise not medically necessary) I wonder, how are parents going to know what their baby is feeling and thinking about? How will they know to respond to what the baby experienced in an empathetic way?
For me, those decisions I made became beliefs about myself and many of my decisions about who I was and how I lived and played were guided by those beliefs. For instance, as a playmate I was quick to share and hand over what I was playing with. To everyone else it looked like I was very kind and mature for my age, but really, it was motiviated by a belief that I didn't get to have what I wanted or needed, and that whoever was asking for the toy I was using deserved it more than I did. Really, it was the beginning of my lifelong "disease to please" which took years of personal work to heal from.
I had to learn to say "No" to others, learn to find my own timing (by the way, I was a stickler for promptness - if I was late I would get really anxious), and learn to value myself.
So, message we give our soon to be, and newborn babies are very important. How we feel, what we say, the motives behind our actions and thoughts are all absorbed and understood and translated by each individual baby in ways we don't always know.
And this isn't just my experirence - clients and collegues I've worked with all have "core beliefs" that guide their path through life, and often these are mistaken beliefs originating sometime around birth and reinforced during infancy.
My daughter didn't come on her due date - she was born eight days later, and I told her, "I can hardly wait to meet you. You find the right time for you to be born, and we'll be ready."
What are some messages your baby got - positive and negative - when he was new? Do you see any patterns of behaviour or preferences that match up with possible mistaken beliefs he might have?
Do you notice patterns of behaviour or beliefs of your own and are are beginning to wonder if they originated at or before your birth? Please share your story and wonderings!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
3
January
2007
(click the above title to leave/read comments)
I normally don't make resolutions in the new year…in fact, I made one years ago, never to make any new years' resolutions again. And now I will be breaking that one, because of the Birth Ecology Projects ' invitation to enter a contest.
So, I decided that it's a good time to make public my resoltions for this year. It's a good time, since I am in the process of developing my goals for my site and business, and clarifying what it is that I do.
My New Years' Resolution is to find that part of myself that prefers to hide, and gently encourage her to emerge into the world, safely and lovingly. This would support me to be able to help babies keep their connection with Spirit intact, and help parents find ways of supporting themselves and their babies consciously in this journey of life.
It may mean teaching about memory, and what we know about prenatal and newborn ability to remember and make decisions and develop beliefs. It may mean working one on one with families and babies to assist in the healing of a traumatic birth memory. It may mean working with adults who want to explore and heal their own births, letting go of limiting beliefs made very early.
And often it's finding joy in the joy of a new parents, enthusiastically listening to all that's good, and how amazing their baby is.
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
1
January
2007
It's been a while since I've posted! Oh my the holidays do take away my attention.
They were good though, I had a wonderful time with my family, I hope you did too.
However, a few folks that I connected with over the holidays asked me, "So what is it that you do?" And I realize I haven't been all that clear here on my site. Maybe there'll be some changes in the content on a few of the pages soon.
My understanding is that babies are not born as blank slates. They come in - and when I say that, I mean they "come in" to a body, from Spirit - aware, and conscious…their brain is not developed enough to support them cognitively, but they are able to remember and imprint experiences into their psyche, their physical body and develop their belief systems.
Many of the psychological, neurological and biological fields are learning how early we are affected by our expeirences. We are all affected by how we "came in" to this world, the beliefs we established, patterns we imprinted into how we make decsions, how we relate to each other, what we believe about the world. Initial upsets, unresloved, are repeated and shape how we interpret our interactions.
Therapists are learning everywhere that going back to very early experiences leads to a greater level of awareness, deeper and lasting change and healing. What the prenatal and perinatal psychology field is learning is that those very early experiences can begin as early as conception. We are also learning how to apply these concepts and methods to infants, so that their sense of self can remain intact, and negative, mistaken beliefs corrected before they become lifelong imprints.
One way to put what I do is, "I help parents to learn from their babies about who their baby is, and support those babies in keeping their spiritual connection intact." Or maybe "spiritual midwife" is another way of putting it.
On a more basic level, I help advocate for what babies want us to know about who they are and what they've experienced, and what matters to them. Sometimes that's teaching/coaching parenting skills. Sometimes that's helping babies resolve birth issues. Sometimes it's helping parents resolve birth issues (their own birth, or their babies' delivery…)
My passion and joy is to watch people of all ages come into deeper connection with themselves, whatever that looks like. I love to see parents glow when they understand their baby's needs. I love to feel the palpable connection between a parent and new baby when everyone feels "met" on several levels.
I teach. I learn. I facilitate. And through all that, I experience great joy when I see how I've helped families become more of who they are in connection together.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
13
December
2006
Just some further notes on other books you may enjoy.
Welcoming Consciousness by Wendy Anne McCarty is available as an ebook, and one of the most comprehensive books on infant development today, pulling together many different viewpoints and theories into one solid format to explain the many discrepancies.
Also, a new dvd is available called What Babies Want by Debby Takikawa, a pioneer in the field of pre and perinatal psychology.
Posted: Favourite books, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
18
November
2006
Some friends of mine just had a new baby girl and I was compelled to write this issue about one way that newborns can sense their environment that you might not be fully aware of.
NOTE: Newborns can and do use many more senses than just the following, but I am limited by space in this article, so am focusing on one I believe is MOST interesting - hearing.
First we'll back up to before your baby is born, for the capabilities of newborns don't just start at the time of birth. My mom likes to tell about how I had the hiccups in utero every night at 1 a.m., and that after birth, I continued to have them at that same time! Indeed, babies behave similar to how they behaved both before and after their birth.
If you see your newborn sucking her fingers for instance, it's likely that she did that prior to birth as well. Sometimes sleep times/patterns are mirrored to that of when you experienced sleep or activity from your unborn baby. So activities and rhythms of the day can influence patterns and behaviour of a newborn…
But did you know that babies can hear very clearly while in the womb?
It used to be thought that what babies heard was a muffled version of the outside sounds, rather like what you hear if you're listening while submerged under water.
What has been discovered is that unborn babies can actually hear extremely clearly while in the womb. You see, when we are submerged, the reason sound is muffled is because our inner ear is filled with air and the sound bounces around that.
But an unborn baby's inner ear is filled with fluid, which acts as a conductor. An experieriment included placing a microphone inside a womans womb that was designed to simulate the capabilities of an unborn baby's hearing. Researchers were shocked to find a newborn can hear even very specific sounds like footsteps walking out the door, the door closing and opening and clearly could distinguish voices.
In addition to the very loud sounds of mom's biology (heartbeat, stomach and bowel rumbles are the loudest) newborns can hear things as loud or louder and more distinctly than they will be able to once born.
So after birth, when your baby seems to recognize specific voices, and other daily sounds, it's because he does recognize them. He has been listening in for a long time on all the sounds you've been making, learning and growing according to what the sounds are teaching him about life outside the womb.
There are many stories of women having to leave loud concerts or violent movies because their unborn baby was reacting so strongly to the sounds. And other stories of babies being soothed by specific music, songs and stories that were played, sung and read to them prior to birth.
But that's not all…
Not only are they hearing in the womb, but research indicates that they are actually learning language and speech in there too! Researchers have taken "cryprints" - as individual as fingerprints - of newborns, and found they are chock full of the rhythms, intonations and speech patterns similar to the mother's, and specific to the language spoken. They have since found that before birth, babies are exercising the muscles they will be using to make such patterns in speech.
When the newborns from mothers who were deaf or mute were studied they found that the babies had a very strange cry, or didn't cry at all, indicating that not hearing mom's voice may have been like missing a speech lesson.
What did your baby hear before he was born?
What does your baby hear now?
Now, combine the knowledge that your baby can hear very well with the fact that they also understand what we say (see article: "Can my baby really understand what I say?"), and reflect about what was said or spoken about your baby during the pregnancy.
Did you talk to, or about your unborn and newborn infant? Are warm, loving, accepting thoughts primarily what she hears about herself? Did you, and do you assure your baby that he is wanted and loved, and safe?
If so, you have a very lucky baby!!!
Now reflect on your own experience. What might people have said in your presence when you were very young, or not even born yet? Are there any patterns you see in your life that match what you know about your very early messages?
If you'd like to explore this more, click on the title of this article. You'll be taken to a page where you can ask more questions, reflect and get feedback.
Let's talk!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication