13
December
2006
Just some further notes on other books you may enjoy.
Welcoming Consciousness by Wendy Anne McCarty is available as an ebook, and one of the most comprehensive books on infant development today, pulling together many different viewpoints and theories into one solid format to explain the many discrepancies.
Also, a new dvd is available called What Babies Want by Debby Takikawa, a pioneer in the field of pre and perinatal psychology.
Posted: Favourite books, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
9
December
2006
Newborns probably able to feel pain: New research from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden said recently. Many doctors refrain from giving newborns pain relief during surgical procedures in the belief that they do not feel pain, but new research shows this could be wrong. See full article here.
It is alarming to me that so many doctors still believe that newborns don't feel pain. Working with babies to heal their birth trauma, and also working with adults with their birth trauma in a regressed state (and remembering my own) has made it very clear that pain is a reality for newborns.
Beyond "OUCH!" What does that mean? Well, we also know that at that very early and vulnerable state, babies develop beliefs about themselves and the world based on those experiences.
What does your baby believe about herself, how does she react to daily life that may trigger memories of pain?
What do the rest of you think?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, crying, infant communication, parenting issues
7
December
2006
Baby massage is GREAT for those babies that love it.
It's a wonderful way to connect with your baby, and help them relax and let go after a big day of learning.
It teaches them that touch is safe, and that their bodies are good and to be treated well.
For babies with some birth trauma, it can be a way of helping let go of physically held patterns, or in the case of C-Sections, it can give that feeling of going through the birth canal which can be important to the neurobiological development of a baby.
However, if your baby DOESN'T like it, it could be because any birth experience was very painful (emotionally and/or physically) and it's too much of a reminder. Start slowly then, and respect the baby's need to NOT be touched if he or she is indicating such.
Does anyone have an experirence where they're baby didn't seem to like baby massage?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, infant communication
3
December
2006
I have always been "good with babies." I never knew why, really…what made it easier for me to soothe a baby when my coworkers at the daycare couldn't? How was it I seemed to "know" what a baby was saying?
Part of it was that I have always operated as if babies understood my heart and mind, and so interacted with them from that perspective.
But it wasn't until I was in school several years ago, taking a introduction to craniosacral therapy class on "the long tides" and the cycle of the autonomic nervous system that I had a more concrete idea of what it was I did.
In class, we were paired up and instructed to "hold each other's head." As my partner was lying comfortably, I cradled his head in my hands and got quiet inside myself, tuning in to the rhythms of his body. Our instructor asked us to notice what we felt. What the "felt sense" was of being with another person that way, and to notice cycles of energy and movement within the body.
I did, and at first it felt like I was on a quick, warm, pulsing highway. I was encourgaged to "drop down another level" and so I focused my attention, and with very little trouble I shifted and my experience became more like I was traveling through a futon, it was white and thick and sluggish. I was told I was in the "tissue bed" - a layer down from the veins and blood where I was before.
My instructor became very interested in what was happening with me, and kept encouraging me to "drop down" more levels with my intention. It was simple, and I felt very aware both of what was happening in my partners system as well as in myself and around me.
The final level I found myself in was what my instructor called "the potency level." I felt that my partner and I were one being. I was "in" him, and could feel his very essence.
My instructor said I had just done in ten minutes what it takes some people two years to learn how to do in a course in craniosacral instruction.
When he told me "this is where I go when I work with babies" I realized that was true for me too. I drop into a place of connection with babies that allows me to know at a very sacred level what is going on for them.
I think it's possible for anyone to learn how to do this.
Your heart and mind - your esssence - can become synchronized with your baby's essence and you'll find yourself truly with him, able to understand his perspective about the world he's in.
And I am happy to help you learn to do just that , as well as know your baby even more. How? Click here .
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, Uncategorized, infant communication
18
November
2006
Some friends of mine just had a new baby girl and I was compelled to write this issue about one way that newborns can sense their environment that you might not be fully aware of.
NOTE: Newborns can and do use many more senses than just the following, but I am limited by space in this article, so am focusing on one I believe is MOST interesting - hearing.
First we'll back up to before your baby is born, for the capabilities of newborns don't just start at the time of birth. My mom likes to tell about how I had the hiccups in utero every night at 1 a.m., and that after birth, I continued to have them at that same time! Indeed, babies behave similar to how they behaved both before and after their birth.
If you see your newborn sucking her fingers for instance, it's likely that she did that prior to birth as well. Sometimes sleep times/patterns are mirrored to that of when you experienced sleep or activity from your unborn baby. So activities and rhythms of the day can influence patterns and behaviour of a newborn…
But did you know that babies can hear very clearly while in the womb?
It used to be thought that what babies heard was a muffled version of the outside sounds, rather like what you hear if you're listening while submerged under water.
What has been discovered is that unborn babies can actually hear extremely clearly while in the womb. You see, when we are submerged, the reason sound is muffled is because our inner ear is filled with air and the sound bounces around that.
But an unborn baby's inner ear is filled with fluid, which acts as a conductor. An experieriment included placing a microphone inside a womans womb that was designed to simulate the capabilities of an unborn baby's hearing. Researchers were shocked to find a newborn can hear even very specific sounds like footsteps walking out the door, the door closing and opening and clearly could distinguish voices.
In addition to the very loud sounds of mom's biology (heartbeat, stomach and bowel rumbles are the loudest) newborns can hear things as loud or louder and more distinctly than they will be able to once born.
So after birth, when your baby seems to recognize specific voices, and other daily sounds, it's because he does recognize them. He has been listening in for a long time on all the sounds you've been making, learning and growing according to what the sounds are teaching him about life outside the womb.
There are many stories of women having to leave loud concerts or violent movies because their unborn baby was reacting so strongly to the sounds. And other stories of babies being soothed by specific music, songs and stories that were played, sung and read to them prior to birth.
But that's not all…
Not only are they hearing in the womb, but research indicates that they are actually learning language and speech in there too! Researchers have taken "cryprints" - as individual as fingerprints - of newborns, and found they are chock full of the rhythms, intonations and speech patterns similar to the mother's, and specific to the language spoken. They have since found that before birth, babies are exercising the muscles they will be using to make such patterns in speech.
When the newborns from mothers who were deaf or mute were studied they found that the babies had a very strange cry, or didn't cry at all, indicating that not hearing mom's voice may have been like missing a speech lesson.
What did your baby hear before he was born?
What does your baby hear now?
Now, combine the knowledge that your baby can hear very well with the fact that they also understand what we say (see article: "Can my baby really understand what I say?"), and reflect about what was said or spoken about your baby during the pregnancy.
Did you talk to, or about your unborn and newborn infant? Are warm, loving, accepting thoughts primarily what she hears about herself? Did you, and do you assure your baby that he is wanted and loved, and safe?
If so, you have a very lucky baby!!!
Now reflect on your own experience. What might people have said in your presence when you were very young, or not even born yet? Are there any patterns you see in your life that match what you know about your very early messages?
If you'd like to explore this more, click on the title of this article. You'll be taken to a page where you can ask more questions, reflect and get feedback.
Let's talk!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication
15
November
2006
By no means an exhaustive list, here's some "starter" books for anyone intersted in the foundational theories of what I do.
They are in my opinion, wonderful overviews of the consciousness and awareness of infants.
- The Mind of Your Newborn Baby. Dr. David Chamberlain (1988/1998); Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.
- The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, and Miracles. Dr. Bruce Lipton (2005). Santa Rosa, CA: Mountain of Love/Elite Books.
- The Secret Life of the Unborn Child. Thomas Verny and John Kelly (1981/1986); New York: Dell.
- Tomorrow's Baby: The Art and Science of Parenting from Conception Through Infancy. Dr. Thomas Verny and Pamela Weintraub (2002); New York: Simon and Schuster. NOTE: The new paperback edition of this book has a new title - Pre-Parenting, nurturing your child from conception.
More to come, or add your own!
Posted: Favourite books, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication
14
November
2006
Did anyone see Oprah's show on Monday, November 13?
What are some thoughts that you have about the language of babies, vocalizations that have defininte meanings?
I think it's incredible - and goes hand in hand with learning to listen to your baby and talk to them. Evidence that babies indeed have a sentient mind, can think and communicate!
I am very interested!!
Posted: infant communication
15
October
2006
Have you heard that it's good for your baby if you
talk to her a lot?
Most parents have. And most parents do.
But also, most parents don't really believe that
their baby hears more than a foreign language, or
that they understand anything that's being said.
Sometimes, that's true. Your baby may not understand
what you say because you are speaking in the complex
adult language, because you speak quickly, and don't
leave time in between what you say for baby to "get"
it.
But they can and often do understand language.
What? How? They are so small, their brains aren't yet
developed enough!
These are good questions.
Babies aren't developed enough to speak with words yet
- but if you use sign language, you can see even young
babies have motor skills allowing them to communicate
in English. Its an indication that babies are able
to understand.
Even more profound, anecdotal reports from psychologists
and therapists who have used regression and hypnosis
with their clients have shown that as babies - even those
unborn - they understand what is said around them, about
them and to them.
And they remember feeling frustrated that the adults
in their life didn't know they understood.
I was caring for a baby boy a few times a week
whose mother was under a lot of stress due to the
failing health of her mother. The baby was getting
fussier and harder to soothe. I suggested to Mom that
she tell him what's going on - that Grandma was dying
and that she was sad and had a lot of feelings that
weren't about him. She did, and apologized to him for not
being as present as she wanted to be, and reassured him.
His mood improved during the week, and when I came over
the next few times he'd look deeply at me, and
I'd say, "Yep, it's your turn to cry now."
He would cry and cry and cry while I held him and
reassured him and empathized with him.
He knew something was going on around him, but until
his mother told him what it was, he was disoriented
and confused. I believe he also understood that
his mother wasn't emotionally able to support his own
feelings of stress unless I was there to support
them both. He waited for his big meltdowns for when
I was present and could hear him deeply.
Also, since babies rely solely on emotions and body
language to communicate, they are very fluent in
this way of communicating - meaning they can sense
what someone is feeling and showing, and if it matches
the words spoken or not.
It is very disorienting to a baby to have words that
don't match the real feelings or truth about what is
going on or being communicated. In the example above,
the baby's mother was trying to act as if it was all
okay when she was playing with her baby - but he knew
it wasn't. The discrepancy is what was most stressful
for him. It can be scary for a baby, or feel like
there's no solid ground, when such a discrepancy
exists.
So, if my baby understands me, now what?
Well, it opens up a big box of possibilities
doesn't it?
And a bit more effort on the part of the caring adults
to include the baby in conversations, in plans, and in
situations that concern them.
Believe me, it matters. For example, sharing who
is coming over for dinner helps a baby feel oriented
to a change in the evening routine.
Asking your baby if they want to be held by Grandma,
and waiting for an indication of a yes or no, (and then
honouring what is communicated) is a powerful thing.
It can be very reassuring to a teething or sick baby
that they aren't going to be feeling awful forever.
Explain what sick is, what teeth are, and what is
happening. Many times, the discomfort is fear and
lack of understanding about what is happening to them.
When you begin to notice that what you say and do
(and think and feel!) in the presence of your infant
matters, you can begin to resolve dilemmas, support
how your baby is feeling, and have more clarity
in your role as parent.
***Suggestions for communicating with your baby:
1. See the world from your baby's perspective. This
takes practice, but can be very helpful. What would
it be like to have dad playing on the floor with baby
and suddenly jump up and disappear (to answer the phone?)
2. Watch closely what your baby is doing before moving
him. Is your baby fascinated by a bird out the window?
Notice it with him, and then tell him that you are going
to move him away to (for example) change his diaper and
pause before actually doing it.
3. Pay close attention to how you are feeling, and name
it to your baby. "I am tired and cranky…you probably
notice that. It isn't about you - I just had a hard day.
Thanks for putting up with me!"
4. Name what is going on for your baby. "Oh. I see you
like playing with that toy." It is very orienting to a
baby to have their actions and feelings named.
5. When you tell your baby something, speak slowly,
repeat yourself and pause to wait for a response from
your baby. Looking away, a grin, getting fussy are
some of the ways your baby may indicate a response.
Thank your baby for telling you, and respect her request.
In some cases, waiting may not be appropriate, for
example: The radio gets turned on, and turned up too
loudly. Baby fusses or looks scared, and disoriented.
"Oh, you look uncomfortable and scared. Is the radio
too loud? Let me turn it down…there is that better?
I'm glad you let me know it was bothering you!"
Good luck, and best wishes to you and your family!
Posted: Newsletter, infant communication