22
January
2007
I found a wonderful post on the Green Parenting blog.
The author shares a very personal story about a recurring yeast infection caused by birth control pills, that made sex very painful. After two years she was able to get help with the pain - even though the yeast infections had stopped long before.
She says that her body remembered the pain of sex from when she had yeast infections. (It's a wonderful story, read it here, lots of information that needs to be shared, and I learned a lot.)
Hmmm….
Yep, this is the cellular memory I talk about. When babies have memories from conception on, it isn't in their intellectual memory - it's in their bodies. And what is stored is all information - physical as well as emotional, since emotions create chemical changes in the body, and get absorbed by the embryo/fetus/baby.
It's why, if for example, upon discovery of being pregnant a woman is upset, ashamed, or angry, those feelings may get stored in the cells of a new being, and as they divide, they help create the entire body - and the baby then has the memory or sense of "I don't belong here" or "I am not wanted" or "I make people mad," which can manifest in long term daily life as shyness, distress at going anywhere new, distress at being the center of attention…of course this isn't the only reason for these feelings, but I have seen after working with the pain some people have felt when they were "discovered" those other fears and negative experiences shift and dissapate quite profoundly.
Yes, our bodies hold onto painful experiences and emotions, and remembers them. And this is true as soon as we have a body to store the information. Learning to identify what somatic memory is being held, and where, can allow us to release them so we aren't living our lives avoiding the emotional or physical pain - consciously or unconciously.
Good news, we also store the GOOD feelings and experiences!
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication
21
January
2007
"When are you due?" That is probably the most commonly asked question to any woman who is obviously pregnant. And the answer is usually a date, one day - my daughter was due on December 20th. But she wasn't born until the 28th. Did that make her "late?"
Only 4% of babies are born on their due date. Most are born within what I call the "due zone" - two weeks before, and two weeks after the "date." It leaves a bit more room to allow a baby to find her time to be born before sending messages about "hurry up" or "you're late."
Do these messages really matter?
Let me tell you my story.
My mom's version: I was due on her birthday, and began showing signs of being born the week before. Two weekends in a row the obstetrician canceled his ski weekend because he thought my mom would go into labor and he didn't want to be away when she did. However, I scooted back up in the womb and stayed put. I had songs about coming out sung to me, and threats of being named Llewellyn if I didn't come out soon. Another week went by, it was now two days past my due "date" and the doctor didn't want to cancel another weekend so he decided to have me induced.
Labor hadn't started and he admisisterd pitocin to my mother, gave her an epidural, and contractions began with frequency and intensity right away. I was born two hours later. I was given to my mother right away, because I wasn't crying and she needed to see I was alright.
My version (learned though several regressions and various forms of energy work): I wasn't quite ready to come out yet. I was trying to figure out when, and I did push myself back up in the womb - leaving my tiny arm over my head blocking the birth canal. I was feeling peaceful and secure when, without warning, I was hit with a drug that made my heart race followed by contractions so strong and so close together that I couldn't get enough oxygen in between them. I was terrified, and it felt like I was dying. I felt forced out of a tranquil state into a car crash of labor. And my arm that had been above my head was now trapped between my head and my mom's pelvic bone. It fractured during the turn through the pelvis, and soon after that I was out. I was in shock, and grieving.
I was met with smiles and tears of joy. Although I wasn't very "late" and I didn't really get that message, the message I did get was "My timing isn't important." Which, accompanied by my pain and fear not being seen and empathized with translated to "I am not important," "The needs of others' are more important than mine."
When I think of babies who are told to "hurry up" and who are induced, or given a C-section due to their "lateness" (if it's within the two weeks after the "date" and otherwise not medically necessary) I wonder, how are parents going to know what their baby is feeling and thinking about? How will they know to respond to what the baby experienced in an empathetic way?
For me, those decisions I made became beliefs about myself and many of my decisions about who I was and how I lived and played were guided by those beliefs. For instance, as a playmate I was quick to share and hand over what I was playing with. To everyone else it looked like I was very kind and mature for my age, but really, it was motiviated by a belief that I didn't get to have what I wanted or needed, and that whoever was asking for the toy I was using deserved it more than I did. Really, it was the beginning of my lifelong "disease to please" which took years of personal work to heal from.
I had to learn to say "No" to others, learn to find my own timing (by the way, I was a stickler for promptness - if I was late I would get really anxious), and learn to value myself.
So, message we give our soon to be, and newborn babies are very important. How we feel, what we say, the motives behind our actions and thoughts are all absorbed and understood and translated by each individual baby in ways we don't always know.
And this isn't just my experirence - clients and collegues I've worked with all have "core beliefs" that guide their path through life, and often these are mistaken beliefs originating sometime around birth and reinforced during infancy.
My daughter didn't come on her due date - she was born eight days later, and I told her, "I can hardly wait to meet you. You find the right time for you to be born, and we'll be ready."
What are some messages your baby got - positive and negative - when he was new? Do you see any patterns of behaviour or preferences that match up with possible mistaken beliefs he might have?
Do you notice patterns of behaviour or beliefs of your own and are are beginning to wonder if they originated at or before your birth? Please share your story and wonderings!
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
3
January
2007
(click the above title to leave/read comments)
I normally don't make resolutions in the new year…in fact, I made one years ago, never to make any new years' resolutions again. And now I will be breaking that one, because of the Birth Ecology Projects ' invitation to enter a contest.
So, I decided that it's a good time to make public my resoltions for this year. It's a good time, since I am in the process of developing my goals for my site and business, and clarifying what it is that I do.
My New Years' Resolution is to find that part of myself that prefers to hide, and gently encourage her to emerge into the world, safely and lovingly. This would support me to be able to help babies keep their connection with Spirit intact, and help parents find ways of supporting themselves and their babies consciously in this journey of life.
It may mean teaching about memory, and what we know about prenatal and newborn ability to remember and make decisions and develop beliefs. It may mean working one on one with families and babies to assist in the healing of a traumatic birth memory. It may mean working with adults who want to explore and heal their own births, letting go of limiting beliefs made very early.
And often it's finding joy in the joy of a new parents, enthusiastically listening to all that's good, and how amazing their baby is.
Posted: Newsletter, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
1
January
2007
It's been a while since I've posted! Oh my the holidays do take away my attention.
They were good though, I had a wonderful time with my family, I hope you did too.
However, a few folks that I connected with over the holidays asked me, "So what is it that you do?" And I realize I haven't been all that clear here on my site. Maybe there'll be some changes in the content on a few of the pages soon.
My understanding is that babies are not born as blank slates. They come in - and when I say that, I mean they "come in" to a body, from Spirit - aware, and conscious…their brain is not developed enough to support them cognitively, but they are able to remember and imprint experiences into their psyche, their physical body and develop their belief systems.
Many of the psychological, neurological and biological fields are learning how early we are affected by our expeirences. We are all affected by how we "came in" to this world, the beliefs we established, patterns we imprinted into how we make decsions, how we relate to each other, what we believe about the world. Initial upsets, unresloved, are repeated and shape how we interpret our interactions.
Therapists are learning everywhere that going back to very early experiences leads to a greater level of awareness, deeper and lasting change and healing. What the prenatal and perinatal psychology field is learning is that those very early experiences can begin as early as conception. We are also learning how to apply these concepts and methods to infants, so that their sense of self can remain intact, and negative, mistaken beliefs corrected before they become lifelong imprints.
One way to put what I do is, "I help parents to learn from their babies about who their baby is, and support those babies in keeping their spiritual connection intact." Or maybe "spiritual midwife" is another way of putting it.
On a more basic level, I help advocate for what babies want us to know about who they are and what they've experienced, and what matters to them. Sometimes that's teaching/coaching parenting skills. Sometimes that's helping babies resolve birth issues. Sometimes it's helping parents resolve birth issues (their own birth, or their babies' delivery…)
My passion and joy is to watch people of all ages come into deeper connection with themselves, whatever that looks like. I love to see parents glow when they understand their baby's needs. I love to feel the palpable connection between a parent and new baby when everyone feels "met" on several levels.
I teach. I learn. I facilitate. And through all that, I experience great joy when I see how I've helped families become more of who they are in connection together.
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
13
December
2006
Just some further notes on other books you may enjoy.
Welcoming Consciousness by Wendy Anne McCarty is available as an ebook, and one of the most comprehensive books on infant development today, pulling together many different viewpoints and theories into one solid format to explain the many discrepancies.
Also, a new dvd is available called What Babies Want by Debby Takikawa, a pioneer in the field of pre and perinatal psychology.
Posted: Favourite books, Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, amazing newborns, infant communication, parenting issues
9
December
2006
Newborns probably able to feel pain: New research from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden said recently. Many doctors refrain from giving newborns pain relief during surgical procedures in the belief that they do not feel pain, but new research shows this could be wrong. See full article here.
It is alarming to me that so many doctors still believe that newborns don't feel pain. Working with babies to heal their birth trauma, and also working with adults with their birth trauma in a regressed state (and remembering my own) has made it very clear that pain is a reality for newborns.
Beyond "OUCH!" What does that mean? Well, we also know that at that very early and vulnerable state, babies develop beliefs about themselves and the world based on those experiences.
What does your baby believe about herself, how does she react to daily life that may trigger memories of pain?
What do the rest of you think?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, crying, infant communication, parenting issues
7
December
2006
Baby massage is GREAT for those babies that love it.
It's a wonderful way to connect with your baby, and help them relax and let go after a big day of learning.
It teaches them that touch is safe, and that their bodies are good and to be treated well.
For babies with some birth trauma, it can be a way of helping let go of physically held patterns, or in the case of C-Sections, it can give that feeling of going through the birth canal which can be important to the neurobiological development of a baby.
However, if your baby DOESN'T like it, it could be because any birth experience was very painful (emotionally and/or physically) and it's too much of a reminder. Start slowly then, and respect the baby's need to NOT be touched if he or she is indicating such.
Does anyone have an experirence where they're baby didn't seem to like baby massage?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, infant communication
3
December
2006
I have always been "good with babies." I never knew why, really…what made it easier for me to soothe a baby when my coworkers at the daycare couldn't? How was it I seemed to "know" what a baby was saying?
Part of it was that I have always operated as if babies understood my heart and mind, and so interacted with them from that perspective.
But it wasn't until I was in school several years ago, taking a introduction to craniosacral therapy class on "the long tides" and the cycle of the autonomic nervous system that I had a more concrete idea of what it was I did.
In class, we were paired up and instructed to "hold each other's head." As my partner was lying comfortably, I cradled his head in my hands and got quiet inside myself, tuning in to the rhythms of his body. Our instructor asked us to notice what we felt. What the "felt sense" was of being with another person that way, and to notice cycles of energy and movement within the body.
I did, and at first it felt like I was on a quick, warm, pulsing highway. I was encourgaged to "drop down another level" and so I focused my attention, and with very little trouble I shifted and my experience became more like I was traveling through a futon, it was white and thick and sluggish. I was told I was in the "tissue bed" - a layer down from the veins and blood where I was before.
My instructor became very interested in what was happening with me, and kept encouraging me to "drop down" more levels with my intention. It was simple, and I felt very aware both of what was happening in my partners system as well as in myself and around me.
The final level I found myself in was what my instructor called "the potency level." I felt that my partner and I were one being. I was "in" him, and could feel his very essence.
My instructor said I had just done in ten minutes what it takes some people two years to learn how to do in a course in craniosacral instruction.
When he told me "this is where I go when I work with babies" I realized that was true for me too. I drop into a place of connection with babies that allows me to know at a very sacred level what is going on for them.
I think it's possible for anyone to learn how to do this.
Your heart and mind - your esssence - can become synchronized with your baby's essence and you'll find yourself truly with him, able to understand his perspective about the world he's in.
And I am happy to help you learn to do just that , as well as know your baby even more. How? Click here .
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, Uncategorized, infant communication
20
November
2006
I came across this article in blogging baby (click for full article). Briefly, it says, "Judith Rich Harris believes that parents have no influence over personality, emotional well-being, or intelligence of their offspring." The author citing this quote was asking how can this be?
Here's my reply:
I believe it is obvious that parenting affects children's behaviour and emotional well-being, and intelligence. But as for outcome in life or personality parental influence is just one factor. Other factors include (but are not limited to) life expereiences, the inherent personality/temperment of the child, and other supportive people in their lives.
I do think that what she's saying is that today's parents often try too hard to provide everything for their kids and kids don't get the chance to develop self esteem thru overcoming adversity.
I don't think self esteem is something parents can GIVE or PROTECT…it is earned and developed by facing adversity in life and getting thru it successfully. If adversity isn't provided (i.e., life is so good b/c of "ultra perfect" parenting) then kids may create their own adversity thru acting out, developing fears and nightmares, attracting situations or making choices that result in adversity.
Personality is a combo of nature and nurture. Environment and genetics are so linked biologically it's nearly impossible to separate them. I have found with my clients, and in my own healing that beliefs about self can develop very early - prenatally/birth and early infancy. These "beliefs" about self then guide us in our life, our decisions, how we interpret the world around us and our relationships.
And of course, parents are a big part of that, but not the only factor, and certainly not necessarily an overriding one.
What are your thoughts?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology, parenting issues
19
November
2006
I had a miscarriage a few years before my daughter was born. It was a "late miscarriage" and I was completely devastated.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was terrified that I would lose her too, and requested an ultrasound. My midwife doesn't normally send her patients to get ultrasounds, but understood my need to "see" my baby alive and kicking.
I talked to my unborn baby beforehand…told her that she would hear a high pitched sound, and when she heard that daddy and I would be able to see her. During the ultrasound, the baby we saw raised her hand up to her head and opened and closed her fingers. Even the tech was startled at how she seemed to be waving at us. We waved back of course!
I haven't noticed any "problems" with Sidra's brain development in the last decade, but I am very aware that not all is understood with sonagrams. I have heard and read about language delays, neurons being "derailed" and have pretty much decided we don't know enough about this technology to use it without medical concerns being the reason.
There is so much we don't know about our current technology. There is a lot we don't know about the early brain development of babies. But there is a lot we do know, and much we are learning daily, about how they are sentient even before birth, how they can be included in what is happening to them and around them, and how talking to our babies helps them orient to the world they are in.
Talking to our babies, and listening to them can occur even before birth, and most definitly after. Maybe we unintentionally put them in harms way when we subject them to technology we believe is safe when it's not, but we can help them cope with the emotional distress of confusing and upsetting experiences by honoring their experiences, empathizing, and supporting them to heal.
I believe it is possible. The field of prenatal and perinatal psychology is showing this too, in many ways. Care to explore it with me?
Any thoughts on this?
Posted: Pre- and Perinatal Psychology