December
2006
Sleep deprived? (click here to comment)
Ah yes…the hot topic of new parents. So many of us experienced lack of sleep for many months - sometimes years - after our babies were born. I felt I had it double, a baby who woke to nurse several times a night and a husband that woke me with his very loud snoring several times a night! For over two years I never slept longer than 40 minutes straight between the two of them.
And it did get better - my daughter eventually stopped nursing at night (by two years old, I facilitated this. It took one night of holding her and empathizing with her for a few hours as I refused to nurse her, another night of only 30 minutes of crying with me holding her, and a third night of just being awake for an hour. After that she slept through the night.)
And I finally slept after sending my husband into another room to sleep. My adrenals were shot and my midwife/naturopath encouraged me to do what I needed to do to get a full nights' rest.
But why is it so hard sometimes? My daughter didn't wake up crying. She didn't cry for hours on end and I have so much compassion for those parents struggling with babies that cry for "no apparent reason."
I don't believe there is "no apparent reason" actually. I think babies want to tell us what it's like for them in this world, or what it was like being born, or what it was like even before that. I think they want us to know how much they know about themselves, and want us to listen and empathize with it.
They tell us through movement, where they put their attention, what upsets them (being put down? Could that be a trigger for the time you weren't there for him?) and of course, through their emotions.
Time and time again it happens when I encourage parents to tune in to their baby and what they might be expressing, and begin naming it, parents report that their baby "stopped what they were doing and looked right at me and smiled." or "immidiately started getting fussy, like he was saying, 'Yeah, you understand, and can I tell you more?'"
It isn't random.
Babies cry for a reason, so if you are pacing the halls with a crying baby, instead of "shushing" her, try naming a few things that she might be trying to tell you - "Is it scary for you to be alone?" or "You seem so angry…are your remembering when you were taken away after you were born?" Fill in the blank…tune in to yourself, and then to your baby, and you can learn to trust what she's telling you. Maybe you'll find that it was just the thing she needed to settle into sleep.
Sleep tight.
I had an interesting experience with an eight month old baby boy. In a class of new moms we were learning songs to sing to babies. This little boy would always put his hands over his ears. Everyone laughed. I wanted to try out this talking to baby theory so I asked the mom if I could talk to her baby. I said I thought he was trying to tell us something. I went to him and asked if our singing was too loud. He looked at me. I said that in the future we would let him know when we were to sing and if he covered his ears we would quiet down. And also his mom could take him farther from the group. We followed through. He chose to be taken from the circle. The ladies and I learned to listen to the babies actions and not just think they were “cute.” His mom applied this knowledge to his home life and he was much happier.