December
2006
So How About That Holiday Stress? (please comment by clicking here)
We've all experienced the extra stress at the holidays, and many are reminding us to keep in mind how it might be for a young child with a new baby, and how to make your home safer for those preschoolers that are attempting to get attention.
Remember also, that it isn't just stressful for those with new siblings…
Babies regulate from our regulation - meaning, they pattern themselves off of how we are feeling. It can mean that if we are solid and centered, it's a good time for baby to unload his stress (by crying, or sleeping), but also that if WE are stressed and trying to supress our anxiety or frustrations, babies CAN and WILL pick up on that, and react to it.
It's different than unloading stress. When a parent is acting differently that they are feeling, it is so disorienting for a baby that they can lose a sense of saftey and stability. Their crying may feel more like fear or discomfort than a pure feeling of anger or sadness, or they may not be able to feel safe enough to fully cry which could result in fussyness or agitation. They may have trouble with sleeping, feeding, relaxing. Things that are normally not a problem.
If your baby is showing signs of disregulation (inability to go into feelings with your support, and/or inability to settle when soothed and comforted) consider that he may just be reacting to YOUR unspoken and ignored stress levels.
If you have a hunch this is going on in your home, try sitting quietly on your own and meditating, or practice conscious deep breathing..some practice that helps you to settle and relax. Another option is to find a friend that you can trust will really listen and empathize (not try to fix or talk you out of your feelings) and unload your anxiety, fears, stress and frustration.
Then, also remember to talk to your baby - let her know that you are feeling stressed, but that you will take care of it, and her, but that it's not about her. Assure her that she's safe and it's okay to settle.
I welcome your comments: Please share what came up for you when you read this…how is your baby reacting to the holidays, or travel, or guests in the home?
Your artiscle on holiday stress is very useful for me. Though I’m not dealing with a baby or even with children right now, my 85 year old husband has dementia. All that you said applies beautifully to transmitting my stresses to him, just like to a baby. Sort of a reverse baby, with long term pretty good memory, but short term less and less memory. This kind of aging is like backing out. My job now is to keep decifering between my stress and his. Thanks for the good support.
Thanks Celeste.
It is true that these concepts can be true for any of us, no matter what age - or species! Consciousness is not located in the brain, but is “nonlocal”, a term used to explain a field around us that contains our memories and experiences, and why we can hold onto memories from very early…and why other people’s stress affects us.