July
2007
Talking over the fence….
I'm at my mom's house, and have been since the end of April. Next door is a delightful family with three girls all within a year - the oldest, and then twins that were born ten months later.
Well, she and I were talking over the fence and somehow the conversation got around to birth. Her friend is having a baby soon and wanted to have a natural labor and birth. My neighbor offered this advice, "Don't worry about drugs, or C-section…they're there if you need them." She looked at me and said, "You probably would say something very different, right?"
I said, "Well, no actually. Medical technology is important and valuable, and she shouldn't worry about those things. Worry is one thing that can really contribute to a difficult labor. What I would say though, is to realize that what happens during birth matters to the baby. So if she were to need interventions of some sort, to talk to the baby and say why and include the baby in what is happening."
My neighbor asked what I meant by, "It matters to the baby."
Well, for instance, if a baby has a C-section, it might be okay for the mother but the baby may feel terrified. Like if labor hasn't started (and it's the baby that starts labor by secreting the hormone that gets it all going) then Baby ins't ready…suddenly, from a baby's point of view, mom may be scared, baby goes numb, there is bright lights, people with masks on, and hands lifting me out of my space…that's a LOT. And don't think for a moment that babies wouldn't know to be frightened by surgical masks…their brains are wired to look for and recognize human faces and if the first thing they see is NOT that, it can be disorienting. I also said that beliefs and imprints about how the world works can be affected by other kinds of birth too - like other interventions, long labor…
My neighbor was curious and began, with relief said, "well, all my girls came out so fast!"
I said, well, that can be hard too sometimes. Really fast labors can lead to transition issues…like "everytime something is going to change I need to do whatever I can to slow it down." Or, "Going from one place or situation to another is SCARY, I have to avoid it, or brace myself for it. If I get out of control something bad can happen." They may stall, procrastinate, get really emotional, come unglued, or be very controlling of what happens.
By this time, this young mother's jaw was hanging open and she was staring at one of her daughters. "You just described Malory" she said. I wasn't surprised. This happens a lot, where I describe belief patterns that fit with a certain type of birth…
We began talking about other things that can affect us even as far back as prenatal. Her mother had an anxiety disorder during her gestation, and that of her siblings. All of them have issues with anxiety. it isn't just genetic, I said. It's a learned response pattern.
And it can be changed. We know, and are learning more every day, about how to change neurological pathways in the body. Regular counseling and therapy doesn't do it…these imprints are in the BODY, in the cells…healing happens at that level, not by talking or expressing emotions (although these are useful and helpful things to do too). It is possible to access memory held in the body and release trauma patters.
And it is possible to do so for babies and children as well, so that these patterns and mistaken beliefs don't limit the life of an individual.
My neighbor headed inside to talk to her husband excitedly.
I love over the fence chats!